I have changed as a person. I have grown up and matured. The hardships we have had to endure have changed who I am, my character. But it has all been worth more then the struggle. My selfishness has been diminished and I now understand (at least to some degree) what it means to sacrificially and unconditionally love. To put another before yourself and love that person wholly and completely even when you want to scream at him. I have learned that in order to make a marriage work, my time and energy has to be devoted to loving and upholding, respecting and honoring, and placing the needs of my spouse far above my own. And God has so richly blessed me with a spouse who does the same for me. When we are both striving to love the other, we end up receiving far more love then what we need to carry on.
I have been challenged and strengthened, as a woman, as a wife, and as a Christian more so in the last 5 years then at any other time in my life. I was halfway through my pregnancy with our son on our first anniversary. Not only were we still learning to live with each other, learning to identify our wants and needs in view of the other, and learning how to love each other in the context of marriage, we were bombarded with the fears, anxieties, joys, and hopes of becoming parents. My body was constantly changing and I struggled with how my husband might perceive me as I got bigger and bigger.
Being a mother has proven to be the hardest and most beautiful experience I have ever had. It has shown me what it is to truly love and also the heart retching disappointment my Father must feel when I have sinned. I have the most wonderful son in the world. He is smart and intuitive. He is loving and affectionate. He is a blessing. He also pushes the limits as far as possible and drives me crazy! But I love him more and more each day, waiting expectantly to see how God will mold him and use him.
We have struggled financially, constantly having to deal with lay-offs and company closings. I have had to learn how to make do with little, humble myself to accept help from others, and ask Jesus to comfort and strengthen my heart when my hope and joy seemed unreachable. I have had to learn to be content in whatever situation God places us in, knowing that His plan and purpose for our lives is far greater then any of our dreams, knowing that the journey is just as important as the end.
I am looking forward to my anniversary next year. To see where God has placed us, how he is using us, and how much more he will mold us. I am hoping that in another 5 years, who I am now will be just another memory and that I will be more conformed to the image of my Jesus.
5 wonderful years ago