Sunday, January 13, 2013

Emergency Shot

I find it interesting how God seems to give me little hints of what lies ahead. I am ashamed to say that I probably miss most of these.  I am busy, selfish, and the world is loud and brash.  It is hard to hear that still, small voice of the Almighty Lord when you are only giving a little attention to Him.  I am glad I was paying attention yesterday.

Yesterday I read a blog post that really resonated in my soul.  My friend Kristen is an eloquent blogger.  I love the truth she speaks, yet it is in a gently, loving way.  Even the gritty realities of life she coveys beautifully.  She wrote about how the valleys in life are also a part of God's plan.  We need them to prepare us for what is ahead, just as much as the mountains and good times in life.  With Cullen's birthday in 2 weeks, I have been a mess of emotions.  Remembering those weeks in the NICU and the heartbreak of losing the dreams I had for my son.  This year has been full of valleys.  But God's plan is full of majesty and power and glory beyond what we could imagine and we have seen God's glory in Cullen's short life as well.  I am thankful for the valleys, because they prepare for the darker times ahead and make the mountains so much sweeter.

Then, last night, I was finishing up my daily Bible reading.  The last couple chapters I read, I feel like God was speaking to me in that still voice, preparing me for the night ahead.  I read Isaiah 40.  I was overwhelmed by God's power and might and tenderness.  

v. 9-11 
"Go on up to a high mountain,
    O Zion, herald of good news;
lift up your voice with strength,
    O Jerusalem, herald of good news;
    lift it up, fear not;
say to the cities of Judah,
    “Behold your God!”
10 Behold, the Lord God comes with might,
    and his arm rules for him;
behold, his reward is with him,
    and his recompense before him.
11 He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
    he will gather the lambs in his arms;

he will carry them in his bosom,
    and gently lead those that are with young."

v. 25-26
"To whom then will you compare me,
    that I should be like him? says the Holy One.
26 Lift up your eyes on high and see:
    who created these?
He who brings out their host by number,
    calling them all by name,
by the greatness of his might,
    and because he is strong in power
    not one is missing."

Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
    his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
    and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
    and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint."

I also felt comforted by those words I read.  I have read them before, memorized them, and yet they held my heart last night.  I thanked God for promising that He would renew my strength, that I would be able to run this race in life not grow weary.  Because I HAVE become weary.  I am exhausted.  Yet His mercies are new every morning and I need to take hold of that and walk without being faint in His strength each day.  I am finding that phrase, "God will not give me more than I can handle" to not be true.  This past year, if someone would have told me about it before, I would have said, "No way, I can't do that." It is the scripture, "I can do ALL things through CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS me." that has rung true this last year. Without Jesus I would be balled up in a corner, a blubbering, unfunctional, insane mess. God is so good, so strong in my weakness, so faithful and true when I am unfaithful and weary and worn in my walk with Him.

Last night we went to bed, everything seeming normal.  Cullen woke up around 1:30am after being restless up until then.  He was really crying this time, not just moaning or talking in his sleep.  I went into the boy's room to pick him up.  He was HOT.  Really hot.  I didn't notice then, because my mind was racing about what to do for his fever, how in the world did he HAVE a fever when just 6 hours ago he was happy and playing, but he was also limp.  I woke my husband up.  He went to get the thermomter and I sat on the bed with Cullen.  That is when, just at the back of my mind, I realized he was kind of limp.  He was alert, but very drooly, another sign that he was REALLY sick.  I gave Cullen to Jason, so I could take his temp, but before it even started scrolling through the digital numbers he threw up.  Not a lot, but multiple times.  Jason whisked him up and into the bathroom, I grabbed a towel and wrapped him in it and sat with him on the side of tub.  He was screaming, scared.

I knew in my heart, we were going to have to give him the emergency Solu-Cortef shot.  We had never had to give it to him before.  Every other time he has been sick, we have been able to fight with just triple dosing him with his normal steroid meds.  BUT he had never thrown up before either.  We debated.  Call the ER?  Call for an ambulance?  Call the Endo?  We settled on calling the endocrinologist.  The one on call was not Cullen's endo, but he told us to go ahead and give him the shot.  He should be good in 20 minutes are so.  I started to cry, a little.  I was so hopeful that after almost a year of avoiding crashes and the shot, we might be in the ranks of the lucky few who never have to give their child the life-saving medication.  

Jason got everything prepped, I held all of Cullen's little, limp limbs down.  I walked Jason through, one more time, how to give the shot.  He got it on the first try.  Cullen didn't even flinch.  We gave him a tempid bath and we sat with him in our room for about a half hour.  He kept falling asleep, so Jason called the endo again, to make sure it was ok to let him sleep.  He said it was fine, keep an eye on him.

The emergency shot gives Cullen 10x what a normal dose is.  More then enough to help his body fight off whatever stressor is attacking him.  BUT this also means he body has to "work out" all the extra meds.  We were up until 4 am.  He was so tired, but every minute or so, his arms would jerk or his body would shudder.  He could not relax.  I turned on Sesame Street on my Kindle Fire for him and rocked and rubbed him.  Eventually his minute of sleep between shudders turned to five minutes and then ten and finally he was able to stay asleep.  I stayed awake, watching him.  Thanking God for sparing him and giving us the clarity of mind to go through the process of saving his life.

He woke up this morning happy and without the fever.  He ate a smaller breakfast then normal, nursed twice, and is now taking a nap.  Just a normal morning for him.

I on the other hand have savored each cuddle, kiss, and smile he has given me this morning. I am thanking God, again, for His still small voice, that prepares me for the valleys and trials that lie ahead.

No comments:

Post a Comment